5 Things you may not know about Pandas

I’m in Sichuan to have a poke around and see the Pandas (amongst other things) this week. Time is short so here are 5 quick things I’ve learnt about Pandas (that you may not already know).


1. A former US President used to eat Pandas for breakfast – Well not really, but Theodore “Teddy” Roosevelt’s sons did come to China to hunt Pandas back in the day. It wasn’t until Nixon visited in the 70s that the Chinese trusted Pandas with US Presidents again.

2. Kung Foo Pandas were real
Back in the days of the ancient emperors Pandas were trained to kill the enemy armies.

3. Size does matter
One (of the many) reasons why female Panda’s find it hard to get knocked-up is the shortness of the Panda guy’s thing compared to the size of their thing.

4. They were meat eaters
Pandas still have a digestive tract of a carnivore because way back when they used to eat meat. Now, they’re strictly wusses vegetarians.

5. The English name for Panda is wrong
In Chinese the Panda is known as 熊貓 – xióng māo, which literally means “bear cat”. Foreigners screwed up the translation and mixed up the Red Panda (the smaller, lesser-known ginger cousin from Scotland*) with the Bear Cat. Today, Bear Cats are Pandas and Pandas are Fanta Pants Red Pandas.

Red Panda

* Possibly Ireland.

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3 thoughts on “5 Things you may not know about Pandas

  1. Swiss James

    That red panda is a lot cooler than the dumb black and white version.

    I wonder if the Pandapenis got shorter after it went vegetarian? I mean I’m no Panda doctor, but I do always get the horn after a nice bacon sandwich.

  2. Cankles

    Thank you Dr. Bacon Bonas. But, I think you’re on to something. Maybe instead of bacon, they used to like eating people? (see fact no. 2).

    Reindeer antlers? I’m yet to receive an informative, unsolicited e-mail to suggest that this works.

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